The Rise of the Awful Band Name

January 23, 2011 § 1 Comment

If you want to make it in the music industry these days, you’re gonna need a good band name.  Change your name, move to Canada, Brooklyn, the UK, Omaha, or the South immediately if you have any hopes of “making it.”  And by making it I mean being signed to Taang Records, and playing shows at Kungfu Necktie.

Look onward, you, with your great band name, playing at Kungfu Necktie soon!

Don’t focus on your sound focus on your name.  For example, the road to success is paved by band names that include animals, band names with the word “black” in them, band names that are nauseating, or band names that make absolutely no sense.

Animals.  Only band names using wolves, deer, horses, bears, and birds are acceptable at the moment.

There’s Wolf Eyes, Wolf Parade, Sea Wolf, Peter & The Wolf, Patrick Wolf, We Are Wolves, Turbo Wolf, and Wolf Mother.  There’s Deerhoof, Deer Tick, Deerhunter, Dear & The Headlights, The Deer Tracks, Reindeer Selection, and Elvis Perkins in Deerland.

There’s Horse Feathers, Night Horse, An Horse, Toy Horses, Drunk Horse, Sparklehorse, Band of Horses, Horse the Band, and New Young Pony Club.  There’s Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear, Bear In Heaven, Angry vs. The Bear, Bear vs. Shark, Panda & Angel, and Minus The Bear.  And there’s The Bird & The Bee, Birds of Tokyo, Birds of Whales, The Late Birds, Wallis Bird, Thunder Birds Are Now!, Bird Man, Bobby Birdman, and The Dodos.

Other notables include:  Fleet Foxes, Frightened Rabbit, Dr. Dog, Atomic Kitten, Dinosaur Jr., Lipstick Liontigers, Baby Lion Teeth, and my personal favorite, So Cow.

Please raise your hand now if you have heard of any of these bands.

Pissed Jeans...

Bands that use the word black are definitely on top of things, because it is always best to let your audience know that you will be singing about very dark subject matter.  Black Lips, Black Keys, Black Gold, Black Kids, Black Tide, Black Stone Cherry, Black Sheep, The Black Crows, Black Moth Super Rainbow…

Please if you are going to start a band, give it a name that makes your audience want to throw up at its utterance.  For instance: Pissed Jeans, Ringworm, Discharge, The Moldy Peaches, The Blow, Cattle Decapitation, and Cute Lepers.

Or, if you can’t think of your own name, please steal it from somewhere else: The Devil Wears Prada, They Shoot Horses, Don’t They?, Love, She Wrote, Sinatrah, Drink Up Buttercup, or Titus Andronicus.

Let’s not forget all those talented DJs out there composing from their MacBooks; they have good names, too.  In the Philadelphia area alone there’s DJ Sammy Slice, DJ Frosty, DJ Deejay, and DJ F@#! Yeah.

We’ve even figured out a way to pronounce a punctuation mark, thanks to !!! (enunciated “Chk Chk Chk,” since you had to ask).

And where exactly does one go to find out about all these wonderful bands coming to you?  R5 Productions, of course.  R5 is a “Do It Yourself” show promotions agency, informing teens and twenty-something music lovers of the “indie” scene, of every show in the Philadelphia area.  R5 is a “for the kids by the kids” type of operation.

If somehow you get on their mailing list, you will receive 75 emails a week about the upcoming Ting Tings show.

Braids is opening for Baths, seen above.

Hold on, I just got another update.  “Laying Waste has been added to Superdrag,” “Qatsi added to Feelies Show,” and “Boy With Robot added to Takka Takka Show.”

And due to popular demand the Pomegranates’ show with Hot Tub (yes, that is a band), has been moved to the Starlight Ballroom!

Maybe it’s just that all the good names are taken.  Who’s to say what a good band name is anyway?  Maybe it is “Motionless in White With My Hero is Me.”  Don’t forget to get your tix!

P.S. I hadn’t glanced at R5 lately, and it seems there’s never a shortage of new and great band names: Baths, EyehateGod, Murder By Death… And good news: Pissed Jeans is still going strong, rock on!

By: Liz Harrington

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